I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
