Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
