If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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