I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
