I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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