Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize