so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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