I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
