Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
