Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
