there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
