so explain again why im purple
no
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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