Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
