This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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