after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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