i already hear my dad disowning me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
