I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
