At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
