I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
