You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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