im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
