so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
