Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
