my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
