afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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