Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize