You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize