i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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