My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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