I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize