I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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