is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
