so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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