I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
