he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
