At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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