I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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