just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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