Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
