I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize