wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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