I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize