i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
