I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
