tell your sister to shave her snatch
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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