Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was like eating out sand paper
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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