DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
