i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
