Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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