yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
