it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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