my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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