Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize