Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
