I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
