He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
