I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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