Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
