I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
