i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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