"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
