I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
