that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
