Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
