Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
vagina is talking i cant
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize