You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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