I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
