ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize