Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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