Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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