I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
