My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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