the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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