They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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