moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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