doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize