does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
