I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
