You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There r osticjed everywhere
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
