he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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