Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
