So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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