Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize