My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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