She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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