I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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