Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
honey bunches of taint.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
