I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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