As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
