were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
