We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
