I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
